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The Road to Hana

March 24, 2011

(or: My First Blog Post)

When I was about 11 years old, my mother went on vacation to Hawaii, and brought me back a T-shirt that read, “I Survived the Road to Hana”. I got that it was referring to a treacherous road to a beautiful far off place, but really I just liked it because it had my name on it.

I had forgotten all about it until I started thinking about what to write for my first post yesterday. I’ve been so stuck starting a blog because I’ve had such a hard time identifying my ‘thing’. For some people it’s food, and they can write endlessly about it. For others it may be photography, human rights, running, the stock market…so I thought, what is mine?

In the last decade or so, I did several kinds of work until recently taking time off to be a full-time mother to two little girls. With each new experience I thought: Yes, this is awesome and amazing and exactly where I want to be right now, so …is it MY THING?

Soon I started cringing each time dinner party conversation inevitably worked its way over to me with the dreaded question, “So what do you do?” ……..To which I would, somewhat apologetically, mumble some iteration of “well, I have two little kids at home right now, but let me tell you what I HAVE done…”.  Why must I identify myself with a single word, just because so many other people can? Why should I box myself in that way?

Then came the self analysis, the inward examination, the journaling, sketching, dreaming and meditating on the idea of more. Yes, I am so blessed, and  YES, so grateful. What kind of person would want more?

Is there anything on this planet that will ever make my heart leap the way it does when my toddler almost runs me over when she sees me, or make me go all teary when my four year old holds my face in her little hands to whisper a secret? No, there is not. This is pure love, and there is no replacement for that. Actually, it’s so addictive that most days I find it very hard to actually separate myself from them and give myself the space that I seriously do need to sort myself out.

So what is it that I want more of? Stimulation? Interaction? Money? Control? What?
And then suddenly, I have figured something out that is so simple, but huge.

After months of marinating in all these questions… I have come to realize that actually it’s not that I want to get more. It’s that I want to GIVE more. More ideas, more opinions, more goals, more support, more communication in general. It’s in the sharing of these parts of ourselves, I think, that we get closer to figuring out who we are.  And I’ve also realised that it’s OK to be multi-faceted; Multanimous.

OK, still not so helpful at dinner parties, but I’m working on that. Meanwhile, I have put a couple plans into action for personal growth and a new business, but more on those later. Baby Steps.

This blog is my outlet. We’ll see how it evolves…..

And so, back to my cheesy blog post title and the heart of the matter: In moving closer to an authentic me, I’m getting a few bumps and bruises along the way, but every now and then the view opens up onto something amazing. So far, I’m surviving the Road to Hana.

A few years ago my husband did actually surprise me with a trip to Hana, Hawaii. We arrived by plane and returned over land….. Check out the airport!

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Whew. Finally, I published my first post. What a relief.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. Tamara permalink
    April 5, 2011 11:18 pm

    Hana, this is wonderful. I love the road to Hana and Kaizen. and I learned a new word today: Multanimous. Just keep going.

  2. April 26, 2011 12:15 pm

    I agree with Tamara! Wonderful all around and a new word. You are so on your way 🙂

  3. Asli permalink
    May 14, 2011 5:49 am

    What a wonderful post! And such an echo of my own thoughts and struggle over who am I and what do I want to do and be.

    • May 18, 2011 6:33 pm

      Asli, maybe the key is to always be asking those questions, as we move through life, because as far as I can tell, my answers keep changing. Which is a good thing, it keeps us on our toes!

  4. akismet-64011c2e27f0d2931c8afe344f99a815 permalink
    May 18, 2011 5:57 pm

    I love it! I can totally relate to the above…”let me tell you what I have done!”

    • May 18, 2011 6:31 pm

      I know, right? WHY do we do that? Because we worked hard to get there and our experiences define us in some way, they give us an answer to the question that sounds acceptable/impressive/whatever. But the truth is, that we are so much more than that and I think it’s ok if we cannot distill everything we are, or everything we “do”, down to an ‘elevator pitch’. Thanks for your comment!

  5. dina kamal permalink
    July 6, 2011 7:10 am

    Hi babe 🙂 i finally checked it out! & i love it! want more though!!

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